INFIDELITY: You Can Forgive, But Can You Forget?

After infidelity, many people sweep their feelings under the rug. Some people go to couples counseling and work through the issues in the marriage that were causing problems that predated the infidelity. Some people stay married and stay angry. Some actually move on emotionally. Recently I have had several calls from people who have said that although they have stayed in the marriage, forgiven their spouse, and really believe that things are better, they cannot forget the infidelity and just … [Read more...]

BODY IMAGE: Are We STILL Worrying About That?

As someone who has always struggled with her weight, I have, in recent years, focused on eating healthier, doing more walking, and cherishing the extra energy that gives me. What I have not been doing is focusing solely on what the scale says. I was very pleased to see an autobiography from TV star, Valerie Bertinelli, called “Enough Already” about how the actress and food show host is essentially delivering the same message. The nice thing about famous people writing books about popular topics … [Read more...]

Should We Always Be Afraid of Anxiety?

For most people, anxiety is a burden. It makes them feel as if they cannot control their lives and that they must endure a lot of distress when doing things that make them nervous. In the DSM V, the psychiatrist’s and psychologist’s diagnostic manual, there are 11 different anxiety “disorders.”  But, as a recent article by Christina Caron in the New York Times Wellness Advice section shows, there are times when anxiety can actually help us. She acknowledges that too much anxiety can be … [Read more...]

Facing the New Year With HOPE

Usually, at this time of year, people have made resolutions and are trying to keep them, or perhaps have already broken them.  However, with the new strain of the Covid virus, many of us are looking ahead and worrying about another long winter with the possible need to quarantine. But there are some things you can do to face the new year with optimism and a belief that you can not just survive, but can thrive, in spite of many challenges. First, take a deep breath and try to believe in … [Read more...]

What Qualities Do You Want to Nourish In Yourself?

Recently I read an article by the CEO of Korn Ferry, Gary Burnison, about how to define grace.  He sees it as the goodwill of people who help others.  During the past year, and before, as we all struggled with the COVID epidemic, there were many examples of people who cared for others, helped them physically and lifted their spirits emotionally.  Just think about the people who hung out of the windows of buildings in New York City and cheered for health care workers and first responders.  Or the … [Read more...]

Sleep & Our Immune System

Because of the COVID pandemic, there is a lot of conversation about how strong people’s immune systems are, and who may be “immune-compromised.” While that is important, what a lot of people ignore even during more normal times is the relationship between sleep and immunity. One of the key elements in helping your immune system function well is sleep. Sleep is not just a way that we rest and heal emotionally from our day. It is also the time that our bodies produce white blood cells (T-cells) … [Read more...]

OCD and the Covid-19 Pandemic

People with OCD have unwanted recurring thoughts that lead to repetitive behaviors.  They are not just quirky or eccentric.  They are suffering from a highly upsetting condition that triggers a great deal of anxiety and can be time-consuming in its behaviors.  At the beginning of the pandemic, people with OCD often felt worse as they feared there were germs everywhere. Others found that their taboo thoughts about sexuality or religion increased.  Those with rituals of counting or checking may … [Read more...]

The Importance of Feedback

Whether you are talking to a friend, dealing with family, or buying something in a store, feedback is important. If someone has done something nice for you, feedback is a positive reinforcement. If your expectations have been disappointed, sharing your feelings can help the other person do better in the future.  Even as a psychologist, it is important to have feedback. I tell all of my new clients that if they are comfortable with me, we will set goals for therapy together. But if they are … [Read more...]

Stuck in My Anxiety

Many people are still struggling with the anxiety that began for them with the onset of the COVICD 19 pandemic. Even though the pandemic is under much better control, masks are no longer required everywhere, and people are returning to work in person, for some folks their anxiety is lingering like an unwanted guest. Like a COVID-induced PTSD. Like a cloak of worry that won’t go away.  It is hard to get back in the swing of commuting, sitting in an office, and being around a lot of people? It … [Read more...]

Breaking Through the Pandemic Blues

So you handled the past year pretty well. You were able to work virtually, you talked to your friends online, and you found satisfaction in things like baking, reading, and listening to virtual concerts. You even felt that you had turned a corner as the weather began to improve, and then – WHAM! – you suddenly didn’t care if you got things done. You slept more than you should, and let the bills go unpaid. You stopped returning phone calls from friends, and couldn’t concentrate enough to read a … [Read more...]