After infidelity, many people sweep their feelings under the rug. Some people go to couples counseling and work through the issues in the marriage that were causing problems that predated the infidelity. Some people stay married and stay angry. Some actually move on emotionally. Recently I have had several calls from people who have said that although they have stayed in the marriage, forgiven their spouse, and really believe that things are better, they cannot forget the infidelity and just … [Read more...]
How to Communicate Better with People You Care About – Part 2
October 9, 2020 By
In the previous blog, I talked about some simple rules for better communication, like avoiding old history and labeling. Today, I Want to add some more complex guidelines that are really useful when trying to navigate a difficult situation with someone you care about. It goes without saying that someone will be more receptive to hearing what you say if you keep your body language open and welcoming. How you look to others tells them how willing you are to communicate. If your arms are … [Read more...]
How to Communicate Better with People You Care About – Part 1
September 10, 2020 By
Recently I was asked to give a talk about how people can communicate better with one another. I was searching my files and found a handout that I have used in my practice for years. It is called The Ten Commandments of Clean Communication. It was given to me by a former mentor, and it has no attribution on it, so I don’t know if she wrote it herself, or if it came from a book she read many years ago. As I looked it over, I thought it was the best set of communication guidelines I have seen, … [Read more...]
Are You Obsessing About Your Spouse’s Affair?
May 15, 2019 By
Many people who have struggled with a spouse’s infidelity, find themselves still thinking about it years, even decades after it happened. I had one person call me from South Africa and tell me that even though she and her husband had worked things through and were still together many years later, she still found herself thinking about his affair. Conventional wisdom would have you say to her “Let it go, already!” But why do people obsess and is there any value in keeping that betrayal … [Read more...]
Warning Signs of an Abuser
August 5, 2016 By
Over 15 years ago, the newspaper columnist “Dear Abby” printed a list of characteristics of men who were likely to be abusive in relationships. I saved it and have given copies to many women and teenage girls. Specifically, I gave it to those females who said they thought jealousy and controlling behavior were signs of love, whether in a marriage or in a dating relationship. An example would be Steffi, whose husband slowly separated her from her friends and family, took her paycheck every … [Read more...]