There are many times when we don’t know what to say. A friend’s spouse is ill, someone doesn’t get the promotion they really wanted, or someone is just having a really down day. We feel stumped and either say nothing or end up saying something we later think is stupid or wrong. In my job teaching medical residents, I work with them on empathy and how to use empathic words. Often, however, what comes out is just “I’m sorry.” When we talk about empathy, we really mean trying to stand … [Read more...]
Are You Obsessing About Your Spouse’s Affair?
May 15, 2019 By
Many people who have struggled with a spouse’s infidelity, find themselves still thinking about it years, even decades after it happened. I had one person call me from South Africa and tell me that even though she and her husband had worked things through and were still together many years later, she still found herself thinking about his affair. Conventional wisdom would have you say to her “Let it go, already!” But why do people obsess and is there any value in keeping that betrayal … [Read more...]
Ten Commandments for Better Relationships
January 29, 2019 By
I am often asked how to fix or improve or start relationships. People who are shy often have trouble with small talk and have trouble starting relationships when they are in a new situation. People who have conflictual family or friend relationships will sometimes seek my advice on how to change a negative interaction to a positive one, or how to avoid a similar pitfall in the future. Sometimes there is a boss who is hard to work with and, of course, there are always those clients who have … [Read more...]
When Someone You Love Is Disabled
September 12, 2018 By
I confess. I was one of those people who never thought much about disabilities. Although I have had health problems through the years, none has left me unable to do the things I wanted to do. So my focus on disabilities was more about placards on cars and signs in parking lots. Then 16 months ago my husband had a stroke. It left him unable to use his left arm or leg, but we were lucky that his mind was fine and his speech, initially a little garbled, recovered quickly. Suddenly, things … [Read more...]
New Year’s Resolutions that Lead to Happier Parents and Children
January 15, 2018 By
Often, I meet with parents who are struggling with their children’s misbehavior and with feelings of failure as a parent. I point out to them that their own schooling did not teach parenting skills. Most parents do the best they can with the skills that they have. They often model these skills on what they have learned from their parents. So what can you do to make the year ahead a better one for you and for your children? • Be aware of your own feelings and if they are negative, … [Read more...]