Recently I read a very slim volume called Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Adichie. Having grown up in a family where my mother was a widow three times, and where we, as children, lost our father and two stepfathers, grief seemed like a constant in our lives. As a result, I have always been interested in the effect of parental loss on children and the family, and the degree to which that kind of trauma shapes the future of the family members. I did not expect a lot from Adichie’s 67-page book … [Read more...]
Are You a Perfectionist?
August 12, 2022 By
To be perfectionistic means to have very high standards and expectations. Is that bad, you ask? Not necessarily. Although perfectionism can be adaptive when it leads to high productivity and life satisfaction, it can be maladaptive when it leads to being self-critical, angry, or not having a life balance between work and recreation. Joan is an example of someone who does not recognize that she is a perfectionist. Her children’s clothes must always be ironed and she must look perfect in … [Read more...]
When Feeling Bad Is Good
June 2, 2022 By
Many years ago, I read a book by Ellen McGrath with the same title as this blog. McGrath’s focus was on recognizing that the early signs of depression could be a good thing, a warning sign that help is needed. Recently, I revisited this idea since so many people are talking about the depression they feel arising from world and national events that are troubling. I think all of us can agree that war, isolation from a pandemic, and lack of civility in politics does not make the world an easier … [Read more...]
Should We Always Be Afraid of Anxiety?
February 23, 2022 By
For most people, anxiety is a burden. It makes them feel as if they cannot control their lives and that they must endure a lot of distress when doing things that make them nervous. In the DSM V, the psychiatrist’s and psychologist’s diagnostic manual, there are 11 different anxiety “disorders.” But, as a recent article by Christina Caron in the New York Times Wellness Advice section shows, there are times when anxiety can actually help us. She acknowledges that too much anxiety can be … [Read more...]
Facing the New Year With HOPE
January 5, 2022 By
Usually, at this time of year, people have made resolutions and are trying to keep them, or perhaps have already broken them. However, with the new strain of the Covid virus, many of us are looking ahead and worrying about another long winter with the possible need to quarantine. But there are some things you can do to face the new year with optimism and a belief that you can not just survive, but can thrive, in spite of many challenges. First, take a deep breath and try to believe in … [Read more...]