Paula is a pretty, bright and talented high school student. She is anxious about going out, even with people she knows, believing she might say the wrong thing or do something to embarrass herself. Sometimes she even worries about whether her friends are really her friends. Shawn is a good athlete. He mostly keeps to himself and has twice turned down chances to be a team captain for soccer. As much as he would like to have fun with the guys on his team, who not only respect his skills on … [Read more...]
Do You Know the Difference Between Worrying and Problem Solving?
May 21, 2019 By
Many people worry by focusing on the problem or situation, rather than thinking about how to make the problem go away or improve the situation that is causing them distress. When we change our method and focus instead on the solution – the problem-solving aspect of the worrisome situation – we are more able to focus on those things we can change. Problem-solving moves us toward more constructive alternatives, and has a more positive effect on our mood, while also allowing us to find potential … [Read more...]
Are You Obsessing About Your Spouse’s Affair?
May 15, 2019 By
Many people who have struggled with a spouse’s infidelity, find themselves still thinking about it years, even decades after it happened. I had one person call me from South Africa and tell me that even though she and her husband had worked things through and were still together many years later, she still found herself thinking about his affair. Conventional wisdom would have you say to her “Let it go, already!” But why do people obsess and is there any value in keeping that betrayal … [Read more...]
WOMEN – Are You Taking Care of Yourself?
April 22, 2019 By
Often, women do not make time to take care of themselves. We are so busy taking care of others -spouses, children, parents, neighbors, charities – that we find ourselves at the bottom of our “to do” list. A while ago I gave a talk to women on the board of a large charity about this very issue. All agreed that they had to do a better job; one woman, the husband of a physician, hadn’t had a mammogram or pap smear in years and said she just never got to it. While that may be an extreme example, I … [Read more...]
Ten Commandments for Better Relationships
January 29, 2019 By
I am often asked how to fix or improve or start relationships. People who are shy often have trouble with small talk and have trouble starting relationships when they are in a new situation. People who have conflictual family or friend relationships will sometimes seek my advice on how to change a negative interaction to a positive one, or how to avoid a similar pitfall in the future. Sometimes there is a boss who is hard to work with and, of course, there are always those clients who have … [Read more...]