Every marriage has its ups and downs. Times when communication falters and you feel distant from your partner. It is easy to ignore these warning signs and hope they go away. But what if they don’t? The emotional connections that hold people together are key to a good relationship and admitting problems. While hard, it is the first step toward rebuilding your love. 
Consider the 18-year marriage of Georgia and Sam. They have raised three children, Sam is successful in his career and Georgia is opening a business now that her children need less of her attention. They have good friends with whom they vacation and enjoy family activities with their kids. But recently, Sam realized that he could not remember the last time they made love and Georgia feels like Sam is so involved in work that she makes all the family decisions on her own.
Working with Georgia and Sam, we identified the red flags that they had missed – warning signs that their marriage might be falling apart.
-Intimacy disappears. Physical closeness, both sexual and non-sexual, is a reflection of emotional closeness and lack of touch leads to a sense of rejection and distance. If physical affection is rare or completely absent, the marriage is already in trouble.
-Emotional closeness diminishes. Emotional intimacy is what makes a marriage feel warm and safe. Without that “feeling” you might as well turn to a co-worker or friend for support. If you are not sharing your feelings and needs with your partner, something is wrong.
-There is a breakdown of communication. Silence, arguments, criticism, or sarcasm are indications that healthy communication has failed. It is especially bad if you are avoiding conflict and not even fighting. If you don’t feel heard or understood, how can you solve the problems you face together.
-You no longer feel like a team. When you are no longer operating as a “we”, you lose your sense of partnership. Do you feel trapped in an unfulfilling relationship? Do you feel chronically misunderstood? If you do, you may begin to live parallel lives, instead of ones that intersect and grow together.
Recognizing that your marriage is in trouble and making the effort to fix it takes courage and a belief in yourself and your partner. Here are some steps you can take:
*Have an honest conversation with your spouse and don’t play the blame game.
* Get professional help. Repairing the relationship will go faster and you will also develop some personal insight.
* Focus on non-sexual intimacy – small gestures like a hug or a simple touch can make all the difference in the world.
* Give 110% to the relationship without measuring what your partner is doing.
* Remember kindness is key.