For many of us we think of negative words when we think about divorce – either our own or those of our friends. Words like conflict, pain, heartbreak, sadness and loss. Many find that a divorce is the end of a dream for the future, one where we see ourselves growing old with our spouse, surrounded by grown children. 
Today, however, not all divorces have to be horrible and destructive. A larger than ever number of couples are discovering that it is possible to enter the divorce process with honesty, kindness, empathy, and concern for the family and children. In lawyers’ terms this might be called a collaborative divorce. But this can also be called a “good” divorce.
To have a good divorce you have to redefine the word good. Jaime and Rashel had this to say. “We started out hating one another and the word divorce. But with the help of our lawyers, and the psychologist who helped us see what was good for All of us, we were able to come to an agreement that worked not only for us, but most of all, for our children. We are eternally grateful that we did not get caught up in a lengthy, expensive, destructive legal battle.”
This does not mean that the process of divorce is not emotionally painful. It can still hurt. But it hurts a lot less when it is handled with dignity and the goal is to treat everyone with respect. It also, is less destructive when both partners have a common goal – to identify what will work for them and also work through the things that will not so that they can come up with new practical plans.
Let’s talk a bit about a collaborative divorce. This is a process where both partners agree to work together respectfully and hire a collaboratively trained attorney. They work transparently as part of a team with other professionals as needed – financial personnel, psychologists, etc. These professionals help them work out parenting plans, division of assets, and other aspects of dividing their lives.
The benefit of a good divorce is that there’s less conflict and less cost. It is respectful and emotionally healthier. It is private in that there are no court proceedings. And most of all, it is better for the children because it lays the groundwork for parents to learn to work as a team, in other words, to co-parent.
You might ask if all good divorces require collaborative attorneys. No, they do not. But you and your spouse have to agree to be mature, respectful and honest, and expect the same from your attorneys. You also need to work with attorneys who are willing to pursue a common agreement and follow your directions. That means you and your spouse cannot be manipulative, hide assets, act abusively, or engage in parental alienation.
I have worked with many, many divorcing individuals over my years in practice. You may think that a good divorce sounds weird – but in fact it really can work. I still get cards from people who divorced with respect and dignity. They have moved on and their good divorce allowed both of them to pursue positive new chapters in their lives.