Do You Know the Difference Between Worrying and Problem Solving?

Worrying Woman

 Many people worry by focusing on the problem or situation, rather than thinking about how to make the problem go away or improve the situation that is causing them distress.  When we change our method and focus instead on the solution – the problem-solving aspect of the worrisome situation – we are more able to focus on those things we can change.  Problem-solving moves us toward more constructive alternatives, and has a more positive effect on our mood, while also allowing us to find potential … [Read more...]

Are You Obsessing About Your Spouse’s Affair?

couple split

Many people who have struggled with a spouse’s infidelity, find themselves still thinking about it years, even decades after it happened.  I had one person call me from South Africa and tell me that even though she and her husband had worked things through and were still together many years later, she still found herself thinking about his affair.   Conventional wisdom would have you say to her “Let it go, already!”   But why do people obsess and is there any value in keeping that betrayal … [Read more...]

WOMEN – Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

Often, women do not make time to take care of themselves. We are so busy taking care of others -spouses, children, parents, neighbors, charities – that we find ourselves at the bottom of our “to do” list. A while ago I gave a talk to women on the board of a large charity about this very issue. All agreed that they had to do a better job; one woman, the husband of a physician, hadn’t had a mammogram or pap smear in years and said she just never got to it. While that may be an extreme example, I … [Read more...]

Ten Commandments for Better Relationships

girlfriends of 3

I am often asked how to fix or improve or start relationships. People who are shy often have trouble with small talk and have trouble starting relationships when they are in a new situation. People who have conflictual family or friend relationships will sometimes seek my advice on how to change a negative interaction to a positive one, or how to avoid a similar pitfall in the future. Sometimes there is a boss who is hard to work with and, of course, there are always those clients who have … [Read more...]

When Someone You Love Is Disabled

Alison & Barry

    I confess. I was one of those people who never thought much about disabilities. Although I have had health problems through the years, none has left me unable to do the things I wanted to do. So my focus on disabilities was more about placards on cars and signs in parking lots. Then 16 months ago my husband had a stroke. It left him unable to use his left arm or leg, but we were lucky that his mind was fine and his speech, initially a little garbled, recovered quickly. Suddenly, things … [Read more...]