My Child Is So Worried, What Should I DO?

crying child

* Johnny cries and resists going to school every morning. * Suzie is afraid of throwing up and won’t go into any supermarket, because the first time she was in a food store, she vomited. * Liam doesn’t sleep well because he becomes so worried the night before a test. * Janine is afraid of speaking up in front of her friends for fear that they will make fun of her, so she goes along with whatever they want to do and never expresses her own opinion. All four of these children struggle with … [Read more...]

Can You Bounce Back? (Part 2)

Bouncing Back

What are some other things that can add to our ability to bounce back? 1. Go into difficult situations as prepared as possible. Think about what can go wrong and try to have a plan for how to deal with it. 2. Be prepared to stick it out. No matter how difficult things get, if you commit for the long haul, you will be less likely to want to quit. T. This is referred to as having “grit.” 3. See some of the positive aspects of stress instead of the things that are hard about it. It can be … [Read more...]

Can You Bounce Back?

Can you bounce back…after something goes wrong, after your kids make you crazy, after a difficult phone call with a client, after a day filled with anxiety-provoking events? The ability to bounce back is called resilience and it is key to managing our lives with strength and skill. Many of us are so busy trying to achieve, trying to manage our children’s lives, trying to be the best at what we do, that we feel we are in a perpetual state of stress. If we do not come down from that state, we … [Read more...]

11 Ways to Reconnect with Your Partner & Strengthen Your Relationship

Holding Hands

Valentine’s Day is over. Perhaps you got flowers, candy, or even jewelry. While these are lovely gifts, they do not have the staying power to improve and nurture a relationship. So what can you do to make sure that you put as much effort into your most important relationship as you do into your job or your favorite hobby? Recently, a young client shared his insight about how to make his marriage better. He noted that he had always seen the marriage as a game of “see who does the most first.” … [Read more...]

Letting Go of Perfect: Letting Go of Perfectionism for Good

Woman cutting Grass

Part 3 of my "Letting Go of Perfect" series. Well, we are not even into Spring and I would bet that most of us have either thrown our New Year’s resolutions in the trash, given up on them, or didn’t even bother to make any. Part of the reason we do that is that they are too big, too hard, and set the bar too high. In many ways our resolutions are a lot like the things we say to ourselves about being perfect. We may try so hard to be perfect, to do things perfectly, to aspire to perfection, … [Read more...]

Letting Go of Perfect: How Perfectionism Hurts Children

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This blog is Part Two of a three-part series on perfectionism. Most parents would feel proud if they thought they had the “perfect” child. But few look at the downside of perfectionism and how striving for it can hurt children. In today’s competitive environment, children cannot just be perfect on paper, amassing a large digital resume good grades and extracurricular activities. They need to have real skills to navigate the ups and down of teacher demands, changing friendships, emotional … [Read more...]

Letting Go of Perfect: Recognizing the Warning Signs of Perfectionism

Recognizing the Warning Signs of Perfectionism

Part one of a three-part series on perfectionism. When we are at the top of our game, we strive not only to do our best, but to be our best. For some of us, however, being our best goes one step further…we believe that we have to be perfect. In striving for perfection, my friend Lynn kept up a punishing pace for many years. She never left the house without make-up and an appropriate outfit, married a wonderful man, worked a full time job, raised three perfect-looking kids, volunteered for … [Read more...]

Love and Loss at the Holidays

Love and Loss at the Holidays

As I pass the one year anniversary of my mother’s death, I am sad that my mom will not be with us for the holidays and keenly aware of her absence. For the last 18 months, my mother – when she was alive and when she was not – was my responsibility. I was the one who saw her the most, she lived with me for the last six months of her life and then, as her executor, it was my responsibility to carry out her wishes. My brother and sister helped when they could, but I was the local child and then … [Read more...]

Fear of Abandonment: The Lasting Effects of Trauma

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Katie is having trouble letting her 14-year-old son do things on his own, like riding his bicycle to school with friends, spending the night at a buddy’s house, or walking home from soccer practice. She knows she should start trusting him to be on his own so he can develop into an independent young man, but she just can’t seem to let go. Katie’s mother wasn’t there for her emotionally growing up. And her two older brothers received all of her mother’s attention, getting special treatment and … [Read more...]

To Live and Lie for Love: Reasons People Lie in Relationships

When Couples Lie in a Relationship

It’s no lie — we all occasionally lie in our relationships. Whether it’s the passing comment after a new haircut “Your new look is great!” or the disastrous date night that ends in “I’ll call you soon”. These lies are everywhere, both the small ones we call “little white lies” and the big ones that can blow up a relationship. Sometimes our lies become habitual, weaving themselves into the fabric of our everyday relationships to such an extent that they go unnoticed by a partner or spouse. … [Read more...]